called my mom and blessed my apartment tonight. listening to india arie and pretending to work. god is good - all the time. he is forever looking out for me. it's amazing. even when i'm not in his word like i should be. i appreciate that so much. today, work was rough. just a lot of mental and emotional beating. i need to get ahead at work. hopefully that will happen. i feel i need to pray over my cube. for clarity of though, peace of mind, patience...all of things that seem to be lacking at work. i always forget that i'm constantly in a battle. i guess, because i don't want to think about it. so i shut it out. lord, prepare me and make me the woman you'd have me to be and allow me the freedom to follow wherever you might lead.
amen and amene
Monday, June 25, 2007
Monday, June 18, 2007
Providence
things have not been easy lately. I don't even know where to begin, so I will just cut to the God Point.
When I don't necessarily like my path, or if I'm uncertain of it, I love seeing God's hand so clearly. I was supposed to go to China. I didn't understand it, it was like everything was happening to me rather than me choosing any of it. I tend to not like that, but was excited about going. Then the job was pulled out from under me, for slightly complicated reasons that aren't worth getting into now and were pretty much beyond my control.
That night, I was confused and somewhat overwhelmed, and tired of being yanked around. I asked God what I should do, and distinctly heard them say Go. Which convinced me that I can't hear God at all, because my opportunity to "go" had just been taken completely and utterly away. I was stuck. But then I felt like he said Go to your family. I figured maybe I'd crash their planned family vacation.
I went to sleep and dreamt my grandpa was in the hospital, and I had to go to him. He was sick. He wanted me around.
A few days later, my mom called to tell me that my grandpa had been put in the hospital. I asked her if I could get a flight out there to see him this summer and she basically said no, that it wasn't that bad. The next day my dad called to see if I could leave immediately to go to Washington and stay with Grandpa. He was getting worse, he was scared, and he was alone. I pushed the days back a bit, so that I could get my stuff together here, but I'm heading out soon.
Even if it's not the best circumstances, I'm taking comfort in seeing God's hand in all this. If China hadn't come up, I'd be in school and working and wouldn't be able to leave. And, I'd already begun packing. It fell through under the strangest circumstances. That dream prepared me, and now I'm leaving. God is good. All the time.
When I don't necessarily like my path, or if I'm uncertain of it, I love seeing God's hand so clearly. I was supposed to go to China. I didn't understand it, it was like everything was happening to me rather than me choosing any of it. I tend to not like that, but was excited about going. Then the job was pulled out from under me, for slightly complicated reasons that aren't worth getting into now and were pretty much beyond my control.
That night, I was confused and somewhat overwhelmed, and tired of being yanked around. I asked God what I should do, and distinctly heard them say Go. Which convinced me that I can't hear God at all, because my opportunity to "go" had just been taken completely and utterly away. I was stuck. But then I felt like he said Go to your family. I figured maybe I'd crash their planned family vacation.
I went to sleep and dreamt my grandpa was in the hospital, and I had to go to him. He was sick. He wanted me around.
A few days later, my mom called to tell me that my grandpa had been put in the hospital. I asked her if I could get a flight out there to see him this summer and she basically said no, that it wasn't that bad. The next day my dad called to see if I could leave immediately to go to Washington and stay with Grandpa. He was getting worse, he was scared, and he was alone. I pushed the days back a bit, so that I could get my stuff together here, but I'm heading out soon.
Even if it's not the best circumstances, I'm taking comfort in seeing God's hand in all this. If China hadn't come up, I'd be in school and working and wouldn't be able to leave. And, I'd already begun packing. It fell through under the strangest circumstances. That dream prepared me, and now I'm leaving. God is good. All the time.
Thursday, June 7, 2007
not much to say
but it's been interesting to me that, lately, God has been encouraging me to be more creative. I've been given dreams where I'm writing, and I'm so happy to be writing (as I normally am), and I feel complete in that way that only creation makes me feel. The other night I laid down to sleep and pray, and (long story short) God allowed me (encouraged me, actually) to just be creative rather than straight praying. It's like lately I've lost my sense of fantasy, my imagination was drying up inside of me, things were either practical or nonexistent. All imagination had to come from someone else. But God said to take it and run with it and I feel somewhat restored.
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