Providence

things have not been easy lately. I don't even know where to begin, so I will just cut to the God Point.

When I don't necessarily like my path, or if I'm uncertain of it, I love seeing God's hand so clearly. I was supposed to go to China. I didn't understand it, it was like everything was happening to me rather than me choosing any of it. I tend to not like that, but was excited about going. Then the job was pulled out from under me, for slightly complicated reasons that aren't worth getting into now and were pretty much beyond my control.

That night, I was confused and somewhat overwhelmed, and tired of being yanked around. I asked God what I should do, and distinctly heard them say Go. Which convinced me that I can't hear God at all, because my opportunity to "go" had just been taken completely and utterly away. I was stuck. But then I felt like he said Go to your family. I figured maybe I'd crash their planned family vacation.

I went to sleep and dreamt my grandpa was in the hospital, and I had to go to him. He was sick. He wanted me around.

A few days later, my mom called to tell me that my grandpa had been put in the hospital. I asked her if I could get a flight out there to see him this summer and she basically said no, that it wasn't that bad. The next day my dad called to see if I could leave immediately to go to Washington and stay with Grandpa. He was getting worse, he was scared, and he was alone. I pushed the days back a bit, so that I could get my stuff together here, but I'm heading out soon.

Even if it's not the best circumstances, I'm taking comfort in seeing God's hand in all this. If China hadn't come up, I'd be in school and working and wouldn't be able to leave. And, I'd already begun packing. It fell through under the strangest circumstances. That dream prepared me, and now I'm leaving. God is good. All the time.