dear god..why are raccoons so angry?
your so,
ron
Tuesday, February 17, 2009
Friday, February 13, 2009
bleeding out, day 2
the saga continues.
Today is overload. Too much blood, too much of a heavy head, too much nausea. I believe the body reacts to the spirit. I believe that when we go through things, they are reflected in the body. And I'm trying to figure out what, exactly, my body is reacting to. I know I made a commitment--to my purpose, to my body, to God--and maybe that's just it. I feel like my body is sloughing off all of the sickness and trauma of the past 3 years. Enough to make me want to curl into the fetal position, just because of the weight. I know that I've let go of a lot, too. Of the brokenness caused by a relationship gone very, very wrong; of my indignant attitude towards things that happened TO me, of the rape, of disappointment and disillusionment. I've let go of a lot, and decided not to be a child and to be an adult. Maybe this is my body's way of growing up. But, man, it hurts. Even my legs are sore. I just gotta go through it, and be present in my body.
Today is overload. Too much blood, too much of a heavy head, too much nausea. I believe the body reacts to the spirit. I believe that when we go through things, they are reflected in the body. And I'm trying to figure out what, exactly, my body is reacting to. I know I made a commitment--to my purpose, to my body, to God--and maybe that's just it. I feel like my body is sloughing off all of the sickness and trauma of the past 3 years. Enough to make me want to curl into the fetal position, just because of the weight. I know that I've let go of a lot, too. Of the brokenness caused by a relationship gone very, very wrong; of my indignant attitude towards things that happened TO me, of the rape, of disappointment and disillusionment. I've let go of a lot, and decided not to be a child and to be an adult. Maybe this is my body's way of growing up. But, man, it hurts. Even my legs are sore. I just gotta go through it, and be present in my body.
Thursday, February 12, 2009
amazing things are happening--again, still, finally. I blessed my room and myself and my body is functioning. I am healed. God is in this place, and in me. I feel whole and strong and terrifying like I should be. I feel my purpose, and the ability to achieve it.
Sometimes, when women let things go in their spirit or come to divine realizations, they get their period. Mine came 2 weeks early and I was trying to figure out why, what physically caused it. But I realized that it wasn't physical. When I was on the mainland I came to certain conclusions and realizations and asked God for physical signs of those changes. It took a while for the realizations to soak into me and solidify. They are solid now, though. And so I bleed. All the sickness that was in my body is coming out, is being sloughed off. This body is a temple that carries my spirit in the world--my spirit is sanctified and so, too, is my body. There isn't room for sickness in a holy place. There isn't room for filler when there's so much good.
Things aren't changing--they have changed. Things have solidified and I am just catching up to them.
Sometimes, when women let things go in their spirit or come to divine realizations, they get their period. Mine came 2 weeks early and I was trying to figure out why, what physically caused it. But I realized that it wasn't physical. When I was on the mainland I came to certain conclusions and realizations and asked God for physical signs of those changes. It took a while for the realizations to soak into me and solidify. They are solid now, though. And so I bleed. All the sickness that was in my body is coming out, is being sloughed off. This body is a temple that carries my spirit in the world--my spirit is sanctified and so, too, is my body. There isn't room for sickness in a holy place. There isn't room for filler when there's so much good.
Things aren't changing--they have changed. Things have solidified and I am just catching up to them.
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