last night i dreamt that there were rats in my home, and I tried to kill one by breaking its neck, but it survived, and the people holding a revival downstairs were mad at me because i missed it because i was blocked by the rat. Before last night, I wasn't sleeping at all (1 hour the night before) because I'm so angry and exhausted and astonished by the way my family has been treating me. I'm not sure what the dream means, but I think it has something to do with pent-up anger and frustration.
What's the correct course of action when it's your own parents that are screwing you? (The phrase "So you wanna bend me over again?" ran through my head much of the time they were here.) I think that part of the reason I had to come out here was to see that my family doesn't have my best interest in mind, that I need to stand up for myself (unaccomplished), and that I need to separate myself from my family (something I try again and again to do, but they just keep holding on. And, if I"m honest with myself, I"m a little scared.).
I feel bound by them, manipulated, unable to stand up for myself because they think I'm just "in a mood."
So, how do I do these things while still honoring them? What in the world do I say in the sake of self-preservation? Family are supposed to be the people who stand up for you/look out for you no matter what, the one group that has your best interest in mind. I guess, ideally. Not in practice. I'm so tired of fighting for myself; can you blame me for not wanting to with them?
I just don't know. I'm too tired to think.
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i tend to have the same issues with my family. same exact thing. so weird. even though i've moved almost 1000 miles away, it's the same every time i go home. i wish i had some advise, but i think you're just going to have to keep fighting. honoring is hard to do. but i think you accomplish that by listening and taking their "advice" into consideration while preserving yourself and maintaining the life that you have in God. God, while telling us to honor our parents, is also not a respecter of persons. so you have to do what he's telling you. it all comes down to Him and what's honoring to Him above all else.
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