annoyed, wrecked, joyous, holy, drunk, sinful, having a fat day, a good hair day, with clear or spotty skin, dark, defiant, bored...
no matter where we are, we can sit down with God, and just be.
Tuesday, August 18, 2009
the truth i don't want to say
is that my life's purpose has always been God. And I'm tired of God.
wow that's a good way to put it. i was so tired of being the "good girl" and doing all of the right things at all of the right times. i needed a break. now that you say that though, i totally needed a break from God which sounds so awful. it was smothering. hmmm....that's a mind buster.
another thought as i was reading a friend's blog...at the same time as needing a break, i am completely jealous of others' relationships with God. how do they find such contentment. such freedom. such peace and joy. i had that too but it was different. i had to fight for mine. everyday i had to prepare for spiritual battles that these people seem to not have to deal with. how does that happen?
when i reread this post, i was actually shocked by it. The thought that I was tired of God. Still makes me quake a little bit.
Thankfully, I've never been jealous of others' relationship with God, though at times lately I long for the connection that I used to have that I see in other people. Being with God was a struggle, but easy at the same time. I don't think anyone with a good relationship (think: family, friends, God...) has it easy. It's always work.
I prayed today that you would come out here so we could just bask in God together for a while, because it's easier for me to be with God when you're around sometimes.
maybe jealous isn't the best word. i guess i was always shocked that their relationship with him was so carefree since it seemed like mine was so hard. i'll have to marinate on this a little more.
4 comments:
wow that's a good way to put it. i was so tired of being the "good girl" and doing all of the right things at all of the right times. i needed a break. now that you say that though, i totally needed a break from God which sounds so awful. it was smothering. hmmm....that's a mind buster.
another thought as i was reading a friend's blog...at the same time as needing a break, i am completely jealous of others' relationships with God. how do they find such contentment. such freedom. such peace and joy. i had that too but it was different. i had to fight for mine. everyday i had to prepare for spiritual battles that these people seem to not have to deal with. how does that happen?
when i reread this post, i was actually shocked by it. The thought that I was tired of God. Still makes me quake a little bit.
Thankfully, I've never been jealous of others' relationship with God, though at times lately I long for the connection that I used to have that I see in other people. Being with God was a struggle, but easy at the same time. I don't think anyone with a good relationship (think: family, friends, God...) has it easy. It's always work.
I prayed today that you would come out here so we could just bask in God together for a while, because it's easier for me to be with God when you're around sometimes.
maybe jealous isn't the best word. i guess i was always shocked that their relationship with him was so carefree since it seemed like mine was so hard. i'll have to marinate on this a little more.
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